He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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