He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
