I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We don't watch enough power rangers
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
