I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
