3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
