just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Randomize
