Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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