I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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