When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
