Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
