and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize