I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
farters have to be the big spoon...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
