I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
