before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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