I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
