So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
