and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
