is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
