Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
