I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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