He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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