The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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