My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
