i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Come on in and take your pants off
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