She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
