haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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