The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
