I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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