OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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