The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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