Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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