nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
