Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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