Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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