Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
