i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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