New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
