They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
