Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
