Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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