a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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