I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
