At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
