Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
