it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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