You smell like stripper and shame
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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