I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
