did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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