Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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