Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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