Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
