Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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