My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
