it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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