Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
