ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize