dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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