I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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