Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
