Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
