we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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