The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
