i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
