We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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