Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
