You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
