i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
