I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
