Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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