Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
